The moment I walked into Kinkos this afternoon, I knew I was in for a treat.  But this wasn't the normal treat I get when I am able to be in the midst of creativity, and production... this was fifteem minutes of pure comedic heaven.  The comedy was embodied by the Production Manager - who must have found a fly in her Egg McMuffin that morning, as she was an absolute terror.  She reminded me of the sea witch from Little Mermaid - Ursula, in appearance (minus the blue) and character.

In the 9.5 minutes I stood in line waiting to drop off some holiday cards to print, my amusement was captured by the following:

• Ursula publicly flipped out on three production assistants in a period of 4 minutes. She made no attempts to hide her frustration, nor the embarrassment she was causing.  After her moment of heated disillussionment was complete with each of her victims, she proceeded in making a joke to lighten up the atmosphere... unsuccessfully.

• While my cards were being printed, I left to grab lunch, and returned within about 30 minutes.  As I stood at the front of the line, waiting for a production assistant to acknowledge that I was back for my order - Ursula asked the three people behind me if she could assist them with anything.  My initial assumption was that Ursula remembered me from 30 minutes prior, and understood that I was being helped by someone else.  Not the case.  Finally, someone behind me responded to Ursula with 'I believe she (pointing to me) was next in line.'  Ursula looks at me, looks back at her production assistant, and says, 'I'm so sorry, I didn't even notice you there.'  Mmm hmmm.

• In the midst of Ursula's apology to me - an older gentleman bum-rushed the line in an apparent flustered state.  He explained at a pitch right below yelling, that he did not approve the proof, yet he was still sent 50 copies of the presentation - and his credit card was charged.  As Ursula attempted to back pedal her way out of her newly added frustration, the older gentleman got so outraged, that he loosened his tie, and began to take off his coat.  The bystandards (myself included) were sure that a boxing match was about to ensue.  Instead, the man threw down the printed presentations - and stormed out.  Unfortunately, in his dramatic exit, he left his coat.  Smooth move dude.

• Finally - the existing state of affiars taking place at the production desk had the cashier flusterd and her head in a tizzy.  This resulted in her ringing me up wrong. In my elevated state of amusement, I didn't even realize until I was walking out of the door that I only paid $17 for what should have cost over $60.  I told myself that I didn't turn around and correct the mistake because I didn't want to get the cashier in trouble... she was the only one that hadn't got yelled at by Ursula in the brief time I was there.

To the unfortunate chagrin of the Kinkos staff, my mid-day yesterday was truly an epic comedy.  It would have made for a perfect episode of "The Office."   And to add to the irony - I attempted to write about this experience yesterday - but as I was finishing up, the internet froze and shut down - any my post went to cyber-heaven.  Perhaps that was a sign from God - underwhelmed at my delight in the frustration of others.  Yes, I admit, I had a weak moment...

... But it truly was a comedy of errors.

Last week's mindset:

I'm not a writer.  I'm really not.  I love to write, but I'm not a writer.  If you asked me to write about the divine prosperity in West India - I would look at you sideways and might flip you the bird.  I can't write well about something that I don't understand, agree with, or like.  So that makes me a person that loves to write.  Not a writer. No? If Michael Jordan could only score when he was wide open... would he be a basketball legend?  I think not. If you can only read music when you know the song, can you really read music? That would be a negative.

This week's mindset:

I genuinely love to write.  I love the feeling of aligning the perfect words side by side to create a beautiful thought... that would in turn transform someone else's thought.  It's magical.  Really. If I don't genuinely feel it, however, it's not happening - it comes out as pure cockamamy (sp?) BS.  Maybe I am a writer.  Yep, I said it.  Maybe I'm just a writer with a few caveats:

Caveat #1:  If I don't agree with it, I won't write about it.

Caveat #2: If I don't like it (the subject), or you, I won't write about it.

Caveat #3: If I don't understand it, I might try to write about it, but I might lie in the process.

Caveat #4: I can't write on demand - it takes me 3-5 hours over the course of a few days, a Chai Latte or two, a long shower, and about 5 miles worth of running, to formulate my thoughts often.

Caveat #5: If I'm hungry or cold, I refuse to even talk, more or less write.

Caveat #6: If I'm bored, I make a point to make sure the audience is as well.

Caveat #7: Big words turn me on - even if they don't make sense in a sentence.

Conclusion:

I will never get hired as a writer.  But I will always love to write.